From as early as I can remember, I have always been an active person. From a very young age, I was always outdoors and always moving. Running, hopscotch, bike riding, swimming, climbing, jumping, skipping rope, playing ball, roller skating, skate boarding, fishing, canoeing, cartwheeling and hand springing. Even when my children were just toddlers, I would entertain them by doing cart wheels and hand springs. Through the years I never felt unable to do anything I set my mind to. At times, I have allowed others to plant seeds of doubt as they questioned the 'appropriateness' of someone on my size or someone of my age participating in certain activities. As long as I was active, I didn't have a weight issue, however, I have never been considered small. I am a big girl, always have been. My cousins were tiny petite things that could eat like horses and never gain an ounce.

After my children were born I did put on a bit of weight and was a good 40lbs. heavier. At a family function I participated in a volleyball game. I am an all or nothing, lay it on the line kinda player. When I was done I was limping a little and my grandma said "You should know better. A girl your size has no business jumping around like that." WHAT? Exactly what, I wondered, should a girl my size be doing? Maybe sitting and watching?

A few years later I was outside playing with my boys, who loved outside as much as I do! They were about 2 years old and 4 years old. We had a beautiful day walking, chasing butterflies and having a impromptu picnic in the meadow. I was entertaining them with a few cart wheels and handsprings, much to their delight! On one hand spring my feet slipped out from under me and I hit smack on my tailbone. It hurt, but I was alright. I didn't want to scare the boys so I just laid down on the ground and started rolling towards them until I was laying on the picnic blanket with them. I read to them and rested with them as we laid on backs and made up stories about the cloud shapes in the sky. When I finally got the nerve to try to stand, it was difficult and painful. Philip helped my pack up the backpack and put in on my back for me. Of course, my 2 year old, Timothy was tired and wanted to be carried. As we approached the field our house was in, I sent Philip ahead telling him to run to Nanna's house and tell her about our day. When my mother in law saw me struggling to get home, she came out and gingerly took Timothy out of my arms and helped me into the house. When I told her what had happened she said "Dear, you just have to cut out those shanangins! You are a mother now. Who is going to take care of these boys if you seriously hurt yourself?"

I had never thought there were things I could not do. I had never thought that size limited me. Being active had always been such a positive, vital thing in my life. What does one do inside?

Well, I learned. One eats. One watches T.V. One cleans. One wishes they were still a kid so they could be outside playing.

Through the years of denying who and what I was created to be and do, the passion and vitality of my life died out. Life was not fun. I was not happy. My weight skyrocketed as my health plummeted.

This past year I reconnected with the little girl in me. I missed her passion and spark. I was saddened that she had been pushed into the shadows. With a little coaxing and nurturing, she re emerged and came out into the light. In the sunlight!

I'm still that active girl! I love being outside! I love moving and doing! I'm still not sure what a girl my size (194lbs) or a girl my age (44) should be doing. But this morning, this girl ran 8 miles! In the sunlight! This girl ran a course that had at least three miles of hills, some of them pretty steep! Today, this girl is happy to be active! Healthy! Happy! In the sunlight!